Friday, February 21, 2020

Gear Review: Pit Viper's Gogglés

Pit Viper makes goggles now, or shall I say, Gogglés. Photo: SnowBrains

The Pit Viper Gogglés FUCK. French for "goggles," (don't fact check me) I can't tell you just how magnificent these puppies really are because, frankly, it's immeasurable. I can tell you, though, that in the week that I have owned and been testing these Gogglés, I have gotten more compliments for a pair optics than I have ever gotten for any piece of gear in the cumulative total of my life. Mostly from the opposite sex, too.

They're also really good goggles in terms of functionality -- not just in status. The first day I had them, I put them to the test at Brighton Ski Area in Utah on a 22" blower powder day. I made sure to really let my face have it just to see how many face shots these goggles could take. I discovered that there is no limit with the Gogglés. They come with a low light lens which works pretty great, too, and they have yet to fog on me -- even when ascending Mount Superior wearing nothing but my Gogglés and a beacon.

Fresh out the box. Photo: SnowBrains

The Science behind the Gogglés (for you nerds):
  • 1 x Aerodynamic frame built from space-grade materials
  • 1x Ultralightweight adjustable nylon/spandex Pit Viper sport-band strap-on system™
  • 2x State-of-the-art flexible sport-lens™ (Mirrored and Low Visibility)
  • 1x Washable & absorbent dual-compartment soft fiber Limpcloth™
  • 1x Sleek and convenient Experts Only Firmcase™ to keep it all handy
  • Typical modern goggle bullshit
  • 100% UV protective interchangeable lenses
  • 1993 Mirrored lens VLT: 20% VLT.
  • Midnight Mirrored lens VLT: 15% VLT.
  • Low light lenses VLT:: 26% VLT
  • Frame: injected nylon
  • Interchangeable lens: One-step easy-change lens, see packaging for instructions
  • Note: DO NOT touch or wipe the interior lens. The lens is coated with an anti-fog treatment that is easily wiped away, like all other goggles
  • Size/Fit: 16"- 30" circumference
  • Will these fit with my helmet? Click here for some examples
  • No magnets - Government agencies will not be able to monitor your brainwaves.
With the Gogglés I go from a soft 7 to a hard 9 JUST LIKE THAT. Photo: SnowBrains

The Gogglés come in two color schemes: '1993,' and 'Midnight.' Here are the Pit Viper-approved applications for the Gogglés:
Originally designed to block champagne spray from the eyes of World Champions™, Gogglés may also be repurposed for all sport applications such as:
  • Skiing
  • Snowboarding
  • Skijoring
  • Mountain biking
  • Water
  • Dog walking
  • Sailing
  • Ball stuff
  • Hood rat stuff with your friends
  • Surfboarding
  • Inline
  • Snowblower
  • Video games
  • Volleyball
  • Aerobic competition
  • Sex
As you can see, the applications for the Gogglés are practically endless. So, if you really want to knock it out of the park this season, you know which goggles -- or Gogglés, -- you want. Purchasing info can be found here.

They come with a neat case and low-light lens btw. Photo: Pit Viper

You've been warned. Photo: SnowBrains

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